54 posts tagged “qotd”

What's your guilty television pleasure?

My television is innocent until proven otherwise.

I just wrote a paragraph about how rubbish I am at blogging, but it was so rubbish that I deleted it. 

You'll thank me when you're older.

What was your favorite class in high school? (And no, lunch doesn't count.) 

Lunch class?  Pah.

How about smoking behind the newsagents across the road class?

Or bunking off and going to Drummonds class?

Or maybe those free periods either side of lunch when my friend would drive us to the Dome on the Kings Road and I'd drink gin and tonics before returning to my A Level English Literature class?

Lunch class, schmunch class.

How have the ways you use your PC to stay connected with family and friends changed over the years?
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Many years ago, when I was a wee lass, I remember my parents would use our local PC to send messages to our friends and family.  Every time my mum would blow a special whistle he would turn up, bicycle clips still attached, his jolly, shiney face laughing away, ready to take the post card to Aunty Connie in Newton Abbot or the pair of socks to Grandpa in Usk.

On high days and holidays our PC would literally tie us together with lengths of string to our neighbours - the sense connection we felt to each other when we celebrated the Queen's silver jubilee in 1977 was something that has never been repeated.  Oh the merriment we had when one of us needed to use the loo - you just can't imagine!  The rope burns are just faint scars of a happy occasion.

Later, in my mis-spent youth, I used my PC to keep me in touch with far-flung friends.  All I would have to do was to commit some sort of petty crime (brick through the window of a local cattery, impersonating Bros - that sort of thing) and my PC would take me to a station where I was allowed one free phone call.  I'm telling you, before the invention of facebook - this was the most effective way of keeping in touch with the relatives you see infrequently.

As I grew older, I became PC myself - I started calling my friends and relations things like 'vertically challenged', 'hygienicly taxed', 'fiscally tested' - we found we could all connect by being PC - even our PC joined in and called us 'area squanderers' and 'gorey intellectually sub-normals'.

Since the days of the first PCs I think we have come a long way and I certainly feel more connected to my friends and family since it takes them ages to work out how I'm insulting them.

How do you cool off when you're upset?
Submitted by K.

The same way I cool off when I'm happy - take off a layer, open the window and have a cold drink.

Although when I'm upset I might also need a tissue as well.

What's the worst story about a time you locked yourself out?

It's not normally the sort of thing I'd do - I'm quite anal about stuff like keys, money, phone etc so don't usually get caught short.  I came across a TFLN today:

(970): Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.

It lead me to reflect that I rather like my 'blacked-out' me also.  Last Friday for instance; our summer party.  Free beer all 'round until the money ran out at about at about 9ish when tokens were introduced if you could be bothered to be nice to the people who had the stash of them.  Morag, IT Bloke and another colleague decided to leave and go to Blacks.  Can I remember leaving?  Can I remember getting home?  Did I find myself waking up on the bus past my stop.  Again?  The answers are no, no and yes respectively.

BUT all the evidence points to 'blacked-out' me, being a pretty decent chappess.  Not only did it not lose my travel card, but it was placed in exactly the right place in my bag.  Not only did it manage to take my contact lenses out but it also managed to remove some makeup.  For the love of all things goodly, I only wish I was that considerate and organised when I was sober.

Anyway, I'm getting off the point.  Once upon a time, I lived in a grotty bedsit in Tooting.  There was a bathroom and separate toilet shared between 6 bedsits.  Every time I needed to go to the loo, I'd have to take my own toilet roll with me and also remember my keys because I couldn't put the door to my bedsit on the latch.  One evening, the inevitable happened.  I just popped to the loo wearing just a t-shirt and tights and carrying some bog roll, but as soon as the door closed behind me I knew I was locked out.  It was a dark and rainy night in late-October.  I had no shoes, no money, no nothing.  I knew one of the downstairs bedsits had a young baby, so I thought best not to disturb them and the only other person I'd seen was a bloke on the floor above me so I thought I'd risk knocking on his door. 

He looked grumpy like I'd just disturbed him from dismembering a squirrel or something, but I explained what I'd done and he let me borrow a pair of tracksuit bottoms.  Luckily, I'd been paying attention to the landlord when I'd moved in and remembered that he'd vaguely indicated across the road and up a bit to a house where he said the people had spare sets of keys.  I tip-toed across the wet road in my tights and doubley luckily knocked on the correct door first time and picked up a spare set of keys.

And that is the worst story about a time I locked myself out.  An even worse story would be if I'd locked myself out and 30 seconds later my H came home with his keys and let me in again, although that story would have been so bad that it wouldn't have even counted as a story.

Would you rather have one best friend or ten acquaintances? Why?

One best friend.  I'm on a diet.

What makes a good internet friend?
Submitted by david c.

Ingredients

Kittens (x 3)
Imagination (4 lbs)
Imitation (2 tbsp)
Diets (3 different varieties according to taste)
Glitter (1kg)
Foxy shoes/boots (5 pairs)
Bile (1 pint, preferably fermented)
Literacy (desirable, but not essential)
Puppies (x 2)
Gin (2 pints)
Sociability (1 Tonne)
Champagne (Magnum)
Humour (2 quarts)
Dancing (5 hours)
Mutant work colleagues (6)
Slebs (as many as you can find)
Children (optional)

Recipe

Take the three kittens, preferably fluffy and cute, and post images on your home page.  While the kittens are getting comments from fellow kitten-lovers, simultaneously embark on 3 different diets.  A good combination is the Atkins, the F Plan and Weight Watchers Special Slimfast K.  Sit back and monitor the effects of these diets.  Liberally sprinkle with gin and champagne for extra zest.

Once the kittens have ceased to stimulate interest, post images of the puppies on your home page.  Use fresh ones if they're in season (i.e. at Christmas), otherwise freeze-dried are just as good.  Hot boys are a good alternative if you can't find puppies. Scour the internet for Memes and cut and paste them into your blog.  Good ones are "1001 Things You Didn't Know About My Toenails" and "My top 20 Dreams about Ponies".

Use your sociability to comment on other people's blogs folding in some of the humour, imitation and imagination that you should already have washed and grated for this purpose.  Add some glitter to the mix if need be.

Now, using the pint of fermented bile, write about all six of the mutant work colleagues.  Add any left-over humour from commenting on other people's blogs and again liberally sprinkle with gin and champagne, finishing off with 5 hours of dancing.

If you have a social life, write about the various Slebs you spot on your evenings out.  D-List and above is fine.  If you don't have a social life, write about children or shoes.  By this stage, you may still have some imagination in which case add it to the remaining glitter and gin to make a glaze.  Brush over the friend and put it in the oven for 2 hours at 180 degrees.  Remove from the oven and let it rest for 10 minutes before carving.

By varying the ingredients slightly you can experiment and create other sorts of internet friends, for example by removing the humour, kittens and puppies and by adding 10 spray cans of black you will get an emo internet friend.  Similarly if you remove literacy and humour, increase the kittens, puppies and imitation and then add soft-porn images you can make an ADHD internet friend.  The possibilities are endless.

Although many good internet friends must be enjoyed virtually, you may be lucky enough to occasionally meet your good internet friends in which case they are best served over the course of an evening in a pub with wine or beer.

Should we just be handing over the car keys when kids turn 16? Why or why not?

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I think if a goat has gone to the trouble and expense of learning to drive, I'm not going to stand in its way.

What's the biggest disappointment you've suffered?

To quote David Brent, "Alton Towers".

Are you worried about a swine flu pandemic?

Not as worried as my feckwit colleagues should be.  Every hayfever sneeze I do brings the response, "Oooh! Swine Flu! Ha ha ha ha ha!"

I feel like stapling their mouths to their fucking blackberries and sending them to Mexico, although they probably wouldn't be allowed in because they're a walking example of foot and mouth.

Personally, I have my own antidote to swine flu - a rather fine oinkment.